more bullet holes…

I’m a nurse.  With that said, you should know I’m one of those nurses who enjoys my work and kid a little with my patients to put them at ease.  For example, bullet holes as in the title of this article, are actually surgical incisions.  To be specific they are laparoscopic surgical incisions, and honestly they look more like stab wounds than bullet holes but I’ve been calling them bullet holes so long I’m not inclined to change my lingo.

So, guess what?  I added to my collection this last week.  What was it this time? My dang gallbladder decided to go on strike.  I’ve been having some issues with upset stomach for a while now but a few weeks ago I had what I thought was a painful stomach virus lasting two very long days.  Once I returned to work, the surgeon I work with asked me how I was feeling, and after sharing my symptoms with him, he casually asked if I still had my gallbladder.  I of course did, and he ordered a scan to check the little sucker out.  Long story short here, my gallbladder was functioning at a pretty low level. TRAITOR! I thought, but what could I do?  It was time for the little guy to come out.  I was put on the surgery schedule.

No big deal for a nurse, right?  I’ve had a lot of surgeries in the last few years.  Still, I was nervous about undergoing anesthesia again and post op healing again.  All the what ifs were running through my head the week leading up to surgery.  Have you ever heard nurses don’t always make the best patients?  I basically freak out pre-operatively with worry, then on the back end I do well and behave as the perfect patient should.  Honestly, I’m all about best practices and getting better quickly, thus I follow my surgeon’s directions and adhere to post op instructions.  (This is where I give myself a big pat on the back.)

This morning I was removing the last of the steri-strips from my belly.  I looked in the mirror scrunching up my nose.  Four more bullet holes, oh well.  You could play connect the dots on my torso or maybe draw a map?  If I was a vase I’d leak all over the place through all the dang cracks.  Seriously, though its a good thing I’m not. LOL. While I was still standing there alone in the privacy of my bedroom I thought back to the time when my vanity was affected by all the scars and surgeries.  My how time and circumstances have changed.  Now I look in the mirror and think…

I’m a survivor.

I’m still me, just with a few cracks.

Scars are like tattoos, but with better stories.

My scars show I was stronger than what tried to kill me.

The last few years have given me more depth of character than the life I’d lead before ever did.

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Thanks to modern medicine, I’m on the mend again.  I’m still here.  I’m still standing.  I’m so grateful for my scars.

Holly

5 things I learned in July…

Life is full of all kinds of lessons.  Sometimes we just have to pay attention to get it.  After sitting down with a pad, pen and a glass of wine I thought about observations I had, decisions I made, and lessons I learned during this summer month of July.

I am not my thoughts. I am more than that.  I am made up of the sum of my actions, intentions, and so much more.  Yes if I sit around telling myself, I’m worthless, ugly, and /or fat long enough I will start to believe the negativity I’m creating, and my feelings will eventually affect my outlook and possibly my actions.  It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts.  On the flip side, it’s nice to know  that the opposite is also true. I like the idea of time spent cultivating positive thinking influencing positive actions.

I finished Gilmore Girls and am now a little sad, especially after watching the Netflix limited series, A Year in the Life.  Open ended finales suck.  I prefer things be wrapped up all nice and neat with no lose ends when it comes to my TV shows, but in my ponderings it occurred to me how writers endear our favorite characters to us by making them imperfect and giving them obstacles.  After all without the drama, tragedy, or bad time there would be no story.  Let me rephrase that…there would be no interesting story.  All I can say, is I am ready to return to Stars Hollow for another year to observe Rory and Lorelai’s lives.

My third lesson has to do with my morning ritual of attending yoga practice three times a week.  On Monday, Wednesday and Friday I head to the yoga studio before work and I have decided it is absolutely the best way to start my day (but only after coffee).  Yoga provides cardio, strengthening, and improves flexibility.  It also forces me to focus on the movements and breathing and somehow I am able put all other distractions aside.  After  class I feel awake, refreshed, and physically ready to start my day.  My energy level stays up through out the day too which is so nice.  I’ve found that on days I skip my morning session I will start to lag around 5 pm and it is downhill from there.  I’m not sure if this is a lesson or more of a testimony, but it certainly a worthy observation especially for anyone needing an energy boost.

Finally as a forty something I have learned when my figurative plate if full.  Now THAT was an epiphany.  I have always, honestly  up until now had a bad habit of overextending myself.  It is hard for me to tell people no.  I’m naturally a people pleaser and I never want to disappoint anyone- I mean ever, including myself.  So this fall I was planning on continuing my education and had enrolled in graduate school.  I was ready for school after having almost a year long break.  I was in the middle of crossing off all of the to-do’s on my checklist when an opportunity presented to teach nursing students at a local college.  I thought, well I can do both, no problem.  Then reality seeped in like it always does, and after weighing all the pros and cons such as working full time, college full time and part time teaching I decided to take the teaching position and return to school after the semester is over.   This may not sound like a big deal to you my friends, but it is to me.  For the first time in my adult life I made a sound decision and have no guilt over it and no “but” or “what if’s” plaguing me.

Two months ago I did something I’d been wanting to do for years.  I went and got my nose pierced.  It was invigorating to do something I have always considered a bit edgy.  After all I’m a mom, a nurse and not a youngster.  Honestly though age is just a number, my kids were not shocked or embarrassed, and my professional actions as a nurse should speak louder than a little diamond in my nose.  I wore the ring for about a month, trying out the cooler side of my personality, and then I took it out.  I learned I didn’t need it.  It didn’t really say much about who I am after all.  I have no need to be edgy or cool.

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Edgy and cool Holly?

I hope y’all have a great August.

Until next time.

Wishing you all the best in life like…

Daisies, Coffee, and Chocolates,

holly