when things don’t go as according to plan…

I had grand plans for staying home and cultivating a different life for myself within my new identity. Things haven’t worked out as I had hoped. First I was hit with a bout of depression and ended up taking a month off from work for treatment. During that time my marriage which was already struggling, fell apart.

I’m back at work now and am in the middle of getting a legal separation from my husband. 😦

Woah, is all I can say but life doesn’t stop for me or for anyone else. Things haven’t gone according to my master plan. Here’s where my strongest quality comes in handy. I’m great at adapting to changes. I don’t like to but  when life throws me a difficult situation I just deal with it. I’m good at adapting. “This ain’t my first rodeo.”

I still plan on cultivating my life and making it richer. I’ve had a lot of time to think on just how I want to accomplish this. I had  four weeks worth of time away from work. I didn’t spend my time only at psychologist appointments and at marriage counseling. I spent a great deal of my time thinking about my life as it is and as I had planned it to be then ultimately I thought a great deal about my life as it. Needless to say not everything matched up in a nice neat package. I’m not willing to write about what has happened with my husband and me.  If I ever feel the need to share the what and why this change came about I will. I’m just not there yet.

I still have a desire to create or re-create my life in a way that is rich and fulfilling. I just have to figure out how to do it within perimeters I’ve been given to work with. What does my life redefined look like? I don’t know yet. I plan on mapping it out. Here’s what I’m working with:

I have three great kids. Two of them I gave birth to and the third I was lucky enough to come into my life when I married her father.

I work full-time.

I’m single again.

I’m currently broke. (I’ve never seen a breakup where the parties were flush after uncoupling)

I’m battling depression.

But today is a good day. I have made it through my work day. I’m getting ready to get my Zumba on. I’m a child of God. I’m looking to him and I’m working on a plan for where to go from here.