I am a voice for the divorced forty something woman who is trying to find her self. Wow, I just figured out who I can speak to and tailor my blogging for. I am re-framing my imperfect life and I’m going to make it what I long for. In marriage 1 I was trying so hard to be the perfect Martha Stewart wife I completely lost who I was. In marriage number 2 I was playing sponsor to an alcoholic and in number 3 I a trophy wife to an overbearing husband. In each marriage I tried to be what my husband wanted. I gave into the expectations of the man I loved to the point of not being true to myself. In all three marriages I lived on pins and needles that the volatile man I was with(something all three have in common, mental note to self “no more”) would go off on some rant at any moment. I found my self keeping the children away from my husband just to maintain the peace. It didn’t always work.
Now I’m free to be as loud as I want to be in my home and my kids are too. We are a raucous bunch sometimes. You should see us play UNO. It can get a bit out of hand! Seriously my 12-year-old is a nut when someone tries to cheat. You won’t like it if you make her angry. lol. We play music while cooking dinner.Often times there is a bit of dancing. Sometimes we listen to my French songs down loaded from iTunes. I took French in high school and only remember a little of it but the kids put up with my pathetic attempts of translation. We listen to Cello Wars on Pandora radio. It’s so cool to hear my kids recognize a top 40 hit being played in a classical way. We now watch whatever we want on the TV or if we don’t want to watch anything, it just stays off. We visit. It seems there are no topics off-limits. We discuss politics, what’s going on at school, who is mad at whom, clothes, friends, who is announcing their sexuality at school, those who are on the fence on their sexuality, Bruce Jenner/Caitlyn Jenner, the weather. It’s all interesting to me. I love to hear about my kids lives and about the day each of them has had. I can give them my full attention and listen completely without worry of interjection. It’s so, so nice.
I’m reading. Blogs, books and listening to audible books. I’ve listened to audible books since 2011. My job requires a lot of driving. I find the time passes faster and I’m more alert dribing if I’m actively engaged listening to a good story. Currently I’m listening to Diane von Furstenberg read her memoir “The Woman I Wanted to Be”. Most noted for the 1970’s creation of the wrap dress, Princess (yes I said princess) von Furstenberg is so much more than just a designer. She tells the story of her childhood and growing up with her mother, a holocaust survivor, and father in Brussels, her loves and dreams. For me listening to her speak about her children, the lessons she taught her them and they her is the best part of her story. I’m a mom. What can I say?
I’ve been dealing with the stress of divorce and have had a sinus headache for a week, thus I’ve not been terribly inspired to write, organize or work on my home. I will be concentrating on making it my sanctuary. It’s almost Friday and I have the weekend to myself. All the kids are going to be gone and I am planning a work day. Also it shall be a day of planning my space. I don’t have a lot of money to work with I’m still going to rework my home and create a new area that reflects my style. Pinterest here I come! Heck part of the fun is working with a small budget. The feeling of accomplishment will be much greater when I’m finished and I haven’t broken the bank.
Daisies, coffee and chocolates,