regrets…

We all have them. For some it’s the thing that keeps us up at night. For others it may be a longing in our heart that is always there. Still others have an ability to just let it go. I’m sure you already know what I’m referring to from the title of this entry. I’m writing about regrets this morning. I’ve been mulling the topic over for a few days now trying to come up with a way to discuss my thoughts on the subject without sounding like a whiner or a total Pollyanna. This is what I’ve come up with. Here’s the definition to start with.

re·gret
rəˈɡret/
verb
1.
feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity).

noun
1.
a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.

I do have regrets. We all do. We are human. We make mistakes. Who among us hasn’t said hind sight is 20/20? But what has surprised me on the whole is I don’t have as many of them as I thought I would by this time in my life. This may be largely because when I was much younger I would get really perturbed with people who sat around talking about regretting this or that. It irked me to the point I made a decision to live my life without regrets. I was a ‘very wise’ 19 at the time! It seemed so simple. Don’t make bad decisions and you won’t have any regrets. Keep your eye on the ball, don’t look back, think before you act: you know the list can go on and on. Shortly there after I had my first big (at the time) regret. I dyed my chemically lightened blonde hair auburn ala Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. (She was the coolest girl in Hollywood and I wanted to channel her!) Well, the results were disastrous. My hair was damaged severely from the processing and the only thing to do was remove the said damage.  I had to cut my long locks really short. I bravely opted for a pixie cut just like the girl gracing the cover of Mademoiselle. As a girl who had always had really long hair the results were devastating. I remember how I  cried in the barber chair. My mom was there with me consoling me and the stylist. He did a beautiful job with the cut. He just didn’t know what to do with the bawling teen age girl in his chair and was completely exasperated with my reaction. I look back on the whole of this story now and laugh but in 1991 it was bigger than life catastrophic for 19 year old me. I grew my hair out and returned  to the blonde girl I had always been. Over the years I cut it off every time I had a stressful life event. Now my hair is once again long and although the last few months have been stressful but rest assured there are no scissors in sight.

The look I wanted.

The look I wanted.

The look I ended up with after an hour in the barber chair and many tears.

The look I ended up with after an hour in the barber chair and many tears.

Have you ever heard of Edith Piaf? I hadn’t until a few years ago. I saw the renown French singer featured on 60 Minutes or some news show along those lines. If you aren’t familiar with her, here’s the skinny on this French Icon. She was born in 1915 and rose to fame during WWII. Because she was small in stature she got the nick name “The Little Sparrow”. She was a regular on the Ed Sullivan show and performed  all over the world and was best remembered for the song “La Vie en Rose”. She had a fabulous career but her private life was full of drama including the death of her only child at age 2 from meningitis, car wrecks with severe injuries followed by morphine addiction issues and alcohol abuse issues. She died at age 47 from liver in 1963. Why am I bringing her into this discussion? One of her last songs was “Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien” which translated means “I Do Not Regret Anything”. She lived hard, surviving multiple tragic moments including several romantic breakups, 3 car crashes with in a years time and multiple addictions, but in the end when she was dying of cancer she found the courage to sing bravely about having no regrets. Who does that?

Edith Piaf

Edith Piaf

Marion Cotiliard as Edith Piaf in her Oscar winning performance La Vie En Rose.

Marion Cotiliard as Edith Piaf in her Oscar winning performance La Vie En Rose.

Since separating from #3 I’ve been thinking about my past relationships and asking myself if I have regrets. I honestly don’t. I just can’t because I took something away from every romantic relationship that has enriched my life (besides jewelry. LOL) From my first marriage I have my two beautiful children whom I can’t imagine my life without. They are the best part of me. It may sound cliche’ but they are my everything. I learned some lessons about standing my ground in subseqent relationships and I’m tougher as a result. Learning lessons like this and in the way I had to sucked but the lessons are invaluable.  I’ve also learned that “love doesn’t conquer all’. The realization hasn’t made me bitter. It has made me wiser. Finally, I don’t regret #3 because I now have an amazing young woman in my life as a direct result of knowing him and while that relationship is over  the bond she and I have formed continues to grow and I am going to be in her corner from here on out.

Life is hard. These past few months have been super tough to get through but I am doing it one day at a time.

“Non, Je Ne Regrette Rein!” Well… almost. 😉

Daisies, Coffee and Chocolates,

holly

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