naive: (of a person or action) showing a lack of experience, wisdom or judgment, natural and unaffected; innocent
and then there’s always urban dictionary’s definition…(this one isn’t horrible)
Naive: A word that is commonly used to negatively refer to a person who is very idealistic and believes in supposed non-existent social constructs such as “soulmates”, “true love”, “peace on earth” etc.
Then there’s the accompanying photo from the dictionary beside the definition:
You would think after three divorces (my third was final last week) I would have some street smarts. At the very least I would have learned one of the most basic of lessons. DTA: DON’T TRUST ANYONE. Oh, believe me, I have trust issues. I get to discuss them in weekly therapy sessions, which never gets old. So why would I trust anyone? Why am I the poster child for gullible, stupid, innocent, ignorant, idiot, clueless and naive? The best answer to these questions is, I trusted a long time friend to be truthful in our friendship. Unfortunately for me he wasn’t. Now I sit here with the sting that only betrayal can leave. Funny, ironic, not haha, thing about this person: he was betrayed before, so why would he do the same to me? Dear friends am I really this bad. I feel like the universe is asking, “Seriously, when are you going to learn?”
Betrayal sucks no matter the source. I have no use for liars, and that includes people who conveniently omit the truth. If you can’t tell it to someone and it be ok, it’s probably not. At some point in my life, before I completely shut it down and become a recluse I would love to learn the DTA lesson. It was #1 who coined that phrase. I thought him a retard the first time he uttered it. He truly didn’t trust anyone. He still doesn’t. I was married to him for almost 13 years, and I don’t think he ever trusted me. Funny thing is I was trustworthy. It was at that relationship’s end I first felt betrayal. It just about sent me to crazy ville. Ok, it did send me there, but only for a couple months. I eventually reigned it in. Then there was good ole’ #3 and his lies, drugs and infidelity. That bit of misplaced trust about cost me everything I have ever held close to my heart. I’m recovering from that disaster slowly, but hey I’m getting there. Well, I was.
Today I’m emotionally right back where I was ten months ago and eight years ago. Betrayal in any form cuts deep. Then there’s the knowing the only thing he’s sorry about is getting caught in his lies. What justification could he have possibly had for lying to me? I hate to entertain that thought. A near miss? Another cautionary tale? I guess so. Don’t think I didn’t ask why. I did friends and all he could respond, “Nothing to say…”
There has to be a lesson in this. I’ll find something to learn, and I hope it’s constructive. I’ll be honest these last few weeks; I’m slipping some. I can’t keep repeating the same mistakes expecting something to change. Isn’t that a definition of insanity? My brother told me once if I quit having expectations of people then I’d stop being disappointed. My response was, “Seriously?” Maybe he was on to something.