To say I had a lot of down time over the summer is an understatement. Round one of surgery was in June and I was home for a month recovering from bilateral mastectomy. Round two took place in October. That bit of time off lasted three weeks to allow healing following reconstructive surgery. Let’s just say the time off allowed for a lot of reflection. I took stock of my life and examined how I felt about being faced with mortality at a young age. The “C” word has a way of putting things in perspective. Realizing I wasn’t going to, no matter how long I live, have time for everything I wanted to do in this life sucked. Lists formed in my head of “want to do’s” and “not to do’s”. I found there as a great many things I worry about. Why though? Why devote time to thinking on what may come, what won’t, and things you can’t change? We have a finite amount of energy to exert daily. I’ve decided to focus mine towards more constructive things and worrying needlessly just didn’t make the list.
So, here dear friends is my first list of unloaded baggage. I will no longer worry about…
- Cancer. I will not worry about reoccurrence or new cancer. I’ve educated myself on prevention and, I have done everything I can possibly do in an effort to rid my body of that nuance. I’m done allowing it a space in my head. This is where you imagine me wiping my hands against each other whilst slowly shaking my head. DONE.
- I will no longer worry what my scars look like. They tell a story, my story. I survived.
- Number three is a big one for me. I’m prone to the “I wants” which means… If Holly wants it, she obsesses over it until she can figure out how to get it. Usually the want is something expensive, ridiculously so, and involves a car, purse, or designer label of some sort. I’m over it. Seriously over it.
- I will no longer worry if everyone likes me. I’m a people pleaser. I always have been but, you can’t make everyone like you. It’s impossible. I like myself, though, and arriving at this destination is much more empowering and fulfilling than worrying needlessly about who likes me.Number five goes hand in hand with number four. I will no longer worry about what everyone thinks of me. Quite honestly, it’s none of my business.
- Aging. I’m glad I’m getting older. It means I’m still alive.
- Money. Dare I add this one? Being proactive and managing it is a much preferred way to utilize this necessary resource. Don’t you agree?
- Perfection. I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist on certain things. Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be enjoyed. It took me 45 years to learn this.
- Failing. We all have failed at something. We are human. It happens. If we do our best and fail to reach a goal or something falls apart despite our efforts, dust yourself off and move on. It’s so much better an action to take than wallowing in self-pity or stagnating over it.
- The last thing I will no longer worry about is past mistakes. Annoying thing about mistakes, they will take up residence in you head and be a constant companion. You can’t go back and get a redo. If you learn from your screw ups and internalize the lesson, then it’s time to move on.
See you again soon.
Daisies, Coffee, and Chocolates,